I feel ridiculous even writing this because I’m a grown woman in my 40s and I should be over things like this by now. But lately, social media has been getting under my skin. I keep seeing photos of people I consider close friends hanging out together dinners, girls’ nights, getaways and I’m not there.

It’s not that I expect to be invited to everything, but it stings when it happens again and again. I start to wonder if I did something wrong, or if maybe I just don’t fit in the same way anymore. Part of me wants to say something, and part of me feels like that would make it worse or make me seem insecure.

Do I talk to them? Just plan my own things? Or let it go and remind myself that everyone’s in their own busy season? I know this shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, but it really does.
Signed, Left Out

Ah, adult friendships, the emotional escape room none of us signed up for. You are most definitely "shoulding" yourself here too much. (“I’m a grown woman, I should be over this by now.” Ma’am… if only.) Now, let’s talk about what’s actually going on beneath the sting of those Instagram boomerangs and group selfies.

First of all, I want to give you credit: you’re doing a lot of self-reflection. Truly. Many people get triggered by a photo and immediately spiral into a three hour TikTok doom scroll. You, however, paused, wondered, reflected — which is emotionally mature and, frankly, annoyingly self aware of you. Love that. Second, you’re admitting that what you’re seeing hurts. That’s big. Most people jump straight to “Whatever, I don’t care,” while caring so hard they could win an award for Best Performance in a Social Media Meltdown. So you’re already working with healthier raw materials than you think.

But — and here’s where my therapist eyebrow raises — these two strengths (reflection and honesty) also highlight the real issue: you’re funneling all those feelings inward and assuming you did something wrong. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try shifting the question to, “What about this situation is making me think something’s wrong with me?” That reframe alone pokes a big hole in the insecurity balloon.

When it comes to what you can do in this situation, you listed all the options, and they’re all valid. The real question is: What’s the goal of each one? If you talk to them, what’s the point? To get clarity? To get invited next time? To express your feelings? To casually remind them you exist? (Relatable.) Understanding your goal keeps you grounded and prevents you from walking into a conversation hoping for a group hug and walking out with more questions than a plot twist in a Netflix series.

And now for the part you already know but maybe didn’t want to admit: this stuff hurts because being left out taps straight into our attachment wounds — the ones we thought we grew out of after middle school but absolutely did not. You’re not dramatic; you’re human. Rejection, exclusion, not being chosen… those hit the same places in the brain as physical pain. (Yes, science says that. We’re all emotionally fragile little pigeons inside.) And no, you’re not ridiculous — you’re reacting exactly how a person with a nervous system reacts to feeling disconnected.

And the way forward isn’t to “get over it” — it’s to get curious about it. So, Left Out, get curious: about you, your needs, your friendships, and what real connection looks like for you.

Wishing you softness, clarity, and the closeness you truly deserve.

After a simple two hour social event, I need a full day to recharge on the couch like I just ran a marathon. Is this normal, or should I start budgeting recovery days into my calendar?

Short answer? Probably, but that may not matter so much. If you need a full 24-hour reboot after a two-hour social outing, your soul is probably powered by Alone Time™. And honestly? That’s not only normal, it’s responsible.

I love where you’re going with the idea of budgeting recovery days. In fact, I’d say go ahead and add “recharging” to your calendar like it’s a doctor’s appointment you can’t cancel. Think of yourself like a phone: you cannot expect peak performance when your battery is chilling at 3% and you’ve been ignoring the “Low Power Mode” alert for two days. At some point, the system will shut itself off, and probably at a very inconvenient moment.

So introverted or not, your body is clearly saying: “Hey bestie, sit down.” Honor that. Schedule downtime. Protect your energy like it’s a rare, endangered species. Because if you don’t carve out rest on purpose, your body will eventually create it for you, and that usually looks like a full gremlin-mode shutdown or your immune system saying peace out girl scout. So, Am I Introverted, regardless if you are introverted or not, listen to your body and get some recharging time on the books. Wishing you the best and hoping you can stay out of low power mode!