I’m 47, and for the first time in my adult life, I don’t quite know who I am outside of being “Mom.” My kids are growing up and becoming more independent, which I know is a good thing… but it also feels unsettling. I used to be needed all day long. Now I’m not.

I’ve been a stay at home mom their entire lives. My schedule, my identity, it’s all revolved around them. And lately I feel this quiet pull to try something new. Maybe a class. Maybe a hobby. Maybe even a job or small business idea that’s been sitting in my heart for years.

But I’m scared.

What if I fail? What if I’m not actually good at anything? (I use to work in Corporate America before kids but that seems like a lifetime ago)  What if people think it’s silly that I’m just now trying to “figure myself out” this late in life? I feel both excited and embarrassed at the same time.

How do I move past this fear and step into something new when it feels so vulnerable?

Dear Scared,
I have one thing to say, and then I'll explain myself: DO IT SCARED.

 
Now let's talk about why you almost didn't.

First, you never really gave yourself the chance to find out who you are outside of a role. First it was HR. Then it was Mom. Both worthy, both consuming, both apparently something you were good at. Which means the evidence actually suggests you're someone who shows up, figures it out, and delivers. I'm going to need you to sit with that for a second before we proceed. Go ahead, we’ll wait. 

Second - you're grieving a sense of purpose, not your kids growing up. The kids growing up is working as intended. What's disorienting is that your reason to show up every day just quietly changed the job description without sending a memo. That's not a crisis. That's a transition. There's a difference.

Third - what is actually in your heart? That small business idea that's been sitting there for years? It didn't stick around by accident. Purpose doesn't usually arrive as a lightning bolt. It tends to show up as a quiet, persistent thought you keep dismissing because the timing isn't right. Guess what. It's time.

Fourth - the what-ifs. Oh, the what-ifs. "What if I fail? What if I'm not good at anything? What if people think it's silly?" Here's the thing about what-ifs: they are not questions. They're anxiety in a trench coat pretending to be logic. They live in a future that hasn't happened, that your brain is already catastrophizing, and that has absolutely no business making decisions for your very real present. You cannot think your way out of them. You can only act your way through them. 

You cannot adjust to the change, you have to adjust with it. And the version of you that gave everything to a career, then turned around and gave everything to a family? She's not gone. She's just finally next in line.

So, Scared, go find out what she's capable of. I have a feeling you already know.
Wishing you the courage to begin and the audacity to not apologize for it.