Dear Abby,
I love raising my kids in Agritopia, the parks, the school, the community are all amazing. But sometimes I can’t help comparing. Other moms/families seem so organized, their kids are star athletes, and their homes look straight out of Pinterest. Meanwhile, I’m just proud when everyone has matching socks and gets to school mostly on time.

How do I stop feeling like I’m not measuring up when everyone around me looks like they’ve got it together?

Dear Struggling to Keep Up, 
Oh boy… cue Sabrina Carpenter, or honestly cue a song about how impossible it is to keep up with our neighbors, Pinterest moms, and those aggressively curated Instagram reels. Because let’s be serious: those people cannot be real. Their “perfectly imperfect” posts? Be so for real. Even Bree Van de Kamp would take one look at Instagram in 2025 and say, “Absolutely not, I’m tapping out.” Here’s the plot twist though: the whole thing is just perception - the illusion of looking like they’ve got it together. Meanwhile, the fact that your kids have matching socks on? That’s a standing ovation in my book. Matching socks are basically a holiday miracle over here, especially when we’re already ten minutes late for school and negotiating with a child who suddenly hates pants.

Now, when we talk about comparison and the brain, here’s the tea: Your brain sees other people’s “thriving” and immediately hits the danger button, like full-on alarm bells, sprinklers, the whole fire drill. It’s not cute. This stress signal sends hormones spiking all over the place (remember: chemical reaction, not a character flaw). Then your reward system gets hijacked, which is how you end up doom-scrolling at midnight trying to find a dopamine hit like it’s on sale. Then, because your brain loves drama, it goes hunting for proof that you’re “behind.” That’s the built-in confirmation bias, babe. So your neighbor’s clean house suddenly = your failure. Their color-coded pantry? Clearly proof your life is falling apart (it’s not, but your brain is convinced). 
And social media? Oh, she’s messy. She pours gasoline on the whole situation. So instead of comparing yourself to your small little “tribe” of people your brain was built for, you’re comparing yourself to hundreds of homes, faces, outfits, lives, and snack drawers that look like they should be in a museum. Welcome to the social media spiral, the adult version of the Gravitron ride at the fair. You know the one no one over 30 should be getting on unless they want to have an overnight stay at a hospital. In short: your brain treats comparison like a survival threat, which is why seeing your neighbor’s spotless kitchen makes you feel like you’re about to be voted off the island. So, Struggling to Keep Up, stop comparing and start remembering that matching socks count as a win. Wishing you a warm, welcoming tribe of gloriously messy parents.