Navigating Relationships
Thoughtful guidance for life's most meaningful connections.
We’re finding out that our adult children parent their own children pretty differently then we did. How can we be helpful without overstepping. It’s hard to keep opinions to myself.
This can be difficult to navigate. However, it is always best to be supportive by following your adult children's lead and asking open-ended questions about how they would like things done with their kids.
As you transition from the authoritative parent to the supportive ally, it is important to let them lead. You can ask questions such as, "What is your bedtime routine?" or "Are there certain foods you prefer the kids to have?"
It is usually best to keep your opinions to yourself unless you are directly asked for advice. This holds true in most relationships, but especially with adult children who are building their independence as parents. Providing positive feedback whenever possible will help build their confidence and show that you trust them, which in turn encourages them to trust you as grandparents.
Thank you for the great question.
As you transition from the authoritative parent to the supportive ally, it is important to let them lead. You can ask questions such as, "What is your bedtime routine?" or "Are there certain foods you prefer the kids to have?"
It is usually best to keep your opinions to yourself unless you are directly asked for advice. This holds true in most relationships, but especially with adult children who are building their independence as parents. Providing positive feedback whenever possible will help build their confidence and show that you trust them, which in turn encourages them to trust you as grandparents.
Thank you for the great question.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half and things are going really well. He lives in Reston, so we are together twice or three times a week at most. I like it because it gives me freedom to do my own thing but also spend time with him.
I was married once before and had a terrible experience that ended in a very messy divorce. I’m not sure I want to get remarried now that I have regained my sense of self and self confidence. He is single, never been married. He says he’ll go at my level and speed, but as of late, I feel like he’s been pushing me to take steps toward marriage – moving in together, buying a ring without discussing it with me first.
I love him and am in love with him, but don’t want to feel the pressure to get married.
I am not sure how to communicate that to him in a way he’ll understand and I’m not sure if we even want the same thing anymore. Can you help me get some clarity? How do I navigate these murky waters?
You are entirely right—communication is the key. It sounds like you have been transparent with him, but I would suggest finding a time when you are both calm to discuss your need for balance, boundaries, transparency, and effective communication. State what you mentioned here to him again.
It sounds like he would like more from the relationship. If you feel open to that, I recommend taking it in steps rather than leaps and bounds. Try spending another day together to see how it goes, building the relationship through ongoing communication while discussing your need to feel safe and maintain your independence.
You can also discuss that you are unsure if you want to marry again, but that you do love him and want a long-term, committed relationship. This might look different than a traditional marriage, or it could look the same but without an official marriage certificate.
Whatever you decide, you are right that you need to decide it together. It sounds like you need to move forward with a plan so that you continue to feel safe, boundaries are held, and your independence, self-confidence, and sense of self remain intact.
Take care.
It sounds like he would like more from the relationship. If you feel open to that, I recommend taking it in steps rather than leaps and bounds. Try spending another day together to see how it goes, building the relationship through ongoing communication while discussing your need to feel safe and maintain your independence.
You can also discuss that you are unsure if you want to marry again, but that you do love him and want a long-term, committed relationship. This might look different than a traditional marriage, or it could look the same but without an official marriage certificate.
Whatever you decide, you are right that you need to decide it together. It sounds like you need to move forward with a plan so that you continue to feel safe, boundaries are held, and your independence, self-confidence, and sense of self remain intact.
Take care.