Did you know that venting to a friend might feel good for a minute, but it doesn’t actually help you or your friend feel better long term? Research shows that when we repeat the same vent session to several people, we keep our “arousal levels” high — basically marinating in frustration instead of letting it go. Venting often becomes rehearsing negative thoughts rather than releasing them.

What does help? Reframing the situation, calming down and problem-solving — whether that’s setting a boundary or having an honest conversation.

I think about this a lot when I see stories about the rise in anxiety, depression and loneliness in young people. We can keep shouting “fire” as we watch the statistics climb … or we can step back, take a breath and ask what we can do. We can reframe, problem-solve and lead.

Technology plays a part, along with social media, reduced in-person interaction, the lingering effects of the pandemic and less time spent outdoors.

But instead of dwelling on the cultural shifts, let’s focus on solutions.

Guardrails give our children a fighting chance.

Our daughters adore road trips because it means uninterrupted iPad time. But we draw one line: no short-form video “brain rot.” They can watch shows or movies, but no endless loops of 6-second clips. Short-form videos are built for addiction. They shorten attention spans and make real-life focus harder. They alter moods afterward.

A friend once told me, “I can tell the moment my daughter’s been on TikTok — she becomes totally nonsensical.” It’s true. Short videos overstimulate, hurt impulse control and affect mental health. Longer-form shows and movies don’t have the same effect.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is emotional intelligence: the ability to understand their feelings, express them and cope in healthy ways. It starts with us. When we model calm, we teach them what calm looks like. When we help them name their emotions — “You’re frustrated” or “You’re angry” — we help them build the vocabulary to understand what’s happening inside them. And when we validate those feelings, we lean toward connection instead of immediate correction.

We also can give them practical coping tools they can use for a lifetime: punching a pillow to release frustration, practicing box breathing to steady their bodies, moving their bodies when emotions feel too big (running or taking a walk) and remembering that feelings are temporary and move though you.

Now that our daughters are (almost) 13, we talk openly about:

We skip the lecture and just weave conversations into everyday moments, during dinner or a drive to an after-school activity.

We are big supporters of the Wait Until 8th movement, which encourages parents to delay smartphones until the end of eighth grade. We found a middle ground with Apple Watches — communication without a full gateway to the digital world. It’s not just about keeping a mini computer out of their hands 24/7; it’s also about helping them see the magic of the offline world: friendships, nature, academics, imagination and exploration.

Kids follow what we do more than what we say. We have tons of books in our home. My husband and I love reading articles on our phones, but we know what it looks like: Mom and Dad staring at glowing rectangles. So we make a conscious choice to pick up physical books. We take our girls to the library and Barnes & Noble. I might drop a sentence or two about why I love bookstores or why libraries are so cool.

A passion: sports, music, art or dance can pull a child through the rough patches of growing up. A strong interest with positive mentors becomes a buffer, a confidence-builder and a lifeline when they struggle. This is why we are big advocates of Scouts, where kids gain a love for adventure, outdoor skills, camping and community service.

We make a point to call out great choices when we see them. We compliment practice and effort more than accomplishment so they become intrinsically motivated. When kids feel seen for their strengths, they develop a solid sense of self.

A loving home with laughter, emotional safety and consistent support does more than help our kids thrive; it becomes their blueprint for adulthood.

Kids want what they want right now. That’s normal when their impulse control won’t fully mature until around 25. But if we remind them that there is so much time to be an adult, some of those words might sink in.

An increase in anxiety doesn’t have to be a permanent destination. Oftentimes, it’s the discomfort of growing up. Children absorb the emotional tone of the adults around them. Supporting our own emotional well-being helps create a more grounded environment for our kids and shows them how to do the same.

When we help our kids understand who they are, trust themselves and look forward to the future, we’re laying down a foundation that will steady them through life’s inevitable uncertainties. Encourage them to question things, to be curious and to think critically. Each step of the way, we can help our kids master their inside game.

Our job is to show them the beauty of the world offline so they can handle (and enjoy) the online world with limits and confidence, staying grounded in who they are.