To me, forgiveness has always felt like an elusive concept—like a big, hairy monster I’d have to conquer, only to somehow let the person who hurt me win in the end. Why would I spend my precious energy fighting that battle when stewing in resentment felt easier… or at least familiar?

As a mindset coach, I teach people how to create healthier thoughts in any situation life throws at them, so they can take actions that serve them and create the results they actually want. That means I have to practice what I preach—even when life gets messy. And let me tell you, it has recently gotten very messy.

I’m currently navigating a season of betrayal. The pain has been intense. I found myself grasping for anything that might offer relief. I knew I had to start with forgiveness, not as a heroic conquest, but more like a quiet invitation.

To test whether I could actually “forgive” someone who deeply hurt me, I looked for smaller examples—situations where I had let go and moved on in the past. I found a few which gave me proof that I was capable of doing it. I started asking myself: What thought helped me release that pain back then? Why did I choose peace instead of punishment?

That small shift opened the door. Then a friend offered a perspective that changed everything. She said, “Think of forgiveness as a boundary. It’s the decision to no longer allow someone to keep hurting you. It’s also choosing to release your illusion of control over how—or if—they’ll be punished.”

So I traded this thought pattern:

They did this to hurt me. I’m angry. I need them to know how badly they hurt me. And now I’m spending even more of my life thinking about this.

For this one:

They did this. I get to choose what I do next. I’m taking back my energy and repurposing it for the people and things that actually matter to me.

The result? I felt lighter. Not because the pain disappeared, but because the volume turned down—like when the pain reliever kicks in and the piercing headache starts to ease.

If you’re carrying pain from something (or someone) in your past, ask yourself: What boundary can I create to help me stop the cycle of re-injury?

Forgiveness isn’t about pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about deciding it won’t keep hurting you.

And when you need help finding the thought that helps you let go—I’m just a conversation away.

Jackie Carl is a M Streets neighbor, mom and Master Certified Mindset Coach, Speaker, and Trainer who helps high-performing individuals and organizations establish healthy thought patterns to create balance, clarity, and sustainable success both at work and at home. Connect with her at hello@jackiecarl.com or visit www.jackiecarl.com to learn more about her coaching, training offerings and speaking engagements