Having Tough Conversations
We Americans value independence. As we age, many feel their independence is being taken away. Children of aging adults struggle with decisions that will affect their loves one’s independence.
- Does dad need to stop driving?
- Can mom pay her bills by herself?
- Is it time to consider assisted living or memory care options?
Understandably many individuals and families have difficulty talking about these sensitive subjects. People don’t want to lose their independence, are afraid of facing a decline in their health, and sometimes feel they are being backed into a corner.
Here are a few tips to ensure you have a successful conversation.
- Be proactive. We think more clearly when planning rather than in crisis.
- Have the conversation with yourself. How would you like it handled if you were in this situation?
- Make yourself vulnerable. Share a story you heard, relate how it brought about this conversation. Make it about you.
- Recognize the importance of their wishes and dignity. The goal should not be to limit what people can do, but to maximize their independence. (Maybe dad is OK driving during the day but shouldn’t drive at night.)
- Tackle current worries. Mom may not want to move because she is afraid she cannot take her beloved cat with her.
- Outline parameters that can keep someone in their home for as long as possible if that is their wish. Their safety, however, should always be of highest priority.
- Choice is power! When people have choices, they feel more in control.
- Never threaten or scare.
- Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
- A positive and loving attitude makes all the difference.
Remind dad he enrolled you in the Boy Scouts so you would learn to “Be Prepared.” Remind mom that she taught you to always have a Plan B and now “we need to make one.” You may even want to “practice” this conversation with other family members.
These tough conversations can lead to a plan that is safe for your loved one, maximizes their independence, and gives your family a proactive road map to follow. As Dwight D. Eisenhower once said, “Planning is everything.”
Cholewka Law can empower mom and dad to make their own choices in their estate plan. Contact us to schedule an appointment at 480-497-3770 or visit gilbertlawoffice.com for more information.