Every February, we hear the same message: love yourself. It usually arrives in the form of chocolates, candles, spa days, and the occasional “you deserve it” purchase. And honestly, sometimes we do. Those moments of indulgence can feel comforting and even necessary.

In my work as a therapist and life coach, I often talk about self-love as having two important parts: soothing and strengthening. One helps us feel better in the moment and can even recharge our battery. The other helps us grow over time.

Soothing is the kind of self-love most of us recognize. For some, it’s a walk around the neighborhood; for others, a pint of ice cream or bag of chips. It can also be rest, deep breaths, or a snuggle on the couch. Ultimately, it’s doing the things that calm us. Soothing helps us reset.

But then there’s strengthening, the part that not everyone recognizes or talks about.

Strengthening is how we show up for ourselves day after day. It’s building confidence, setting boundaries without guilt, and learning to speak to yourself with the same compassion you offer others. It’s choosing growth, even when it’s uncomfortable. In the mental health world, this is often referred to as “doing the work.”

I notice most of us are pretty good at soothing. We know how to make ourselves feel better for a few hours. Strengthening is what supports us long term. It’s what helps us stop repeating the same patterns and start making choices that actually align with who we are.

One simple but powerful strengthening practice is affirmations. Not just writing them on the bathroom mirror with lipstick or repeating them while brushing your teeth, but actually taking a moment to envision them. When you say something kind to yourself, picture what it would look like if it were true. Notice how it feels in your body. Let yourself experience it. That’s how affirmations move from words to something you genuinely believe.

Self-love is learning how to care for yourself in the moment and also build yourself for the future. When you do both, you show up more grounded, more confident, and more connected in every area of your life.

So yes, enjoy the chocolates. Just don’t forget the deeper work. After all, the longest relationship you’ll ever have…is the one with yourself.

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