For the third consecutive year, 20 Thornwood dads will gather to determine fantasy football draft order through a series of athletic competitions that no medical professional would recommend.

The annual Draft combine feature events such as the 40-yard dash, punt-pass-kick, and various feats of strength designed to answer one critical question: Who is least affected by ibuprofen and lower back pain?

Participants train extensively for the event through proven performance-enhancing programs including mowing the lawn, carrying mulch, and making loud noises when standing up from a chair.

The competitors are split across two fantasy football leagues, which serve as thriving communities built on friendship, camaraderie, and calling each other complete morons in a group text nearly every day of the year.

For approximately five months, the league members transform from normal suburban fathers into self-proclaimed football experts who spend countless hours analyzing injury reports, reading fantasy articles, and convincing themselves that this is finally the year their sleeper picks will work out. Historically, this is not the year.

While championships are celebrated, the true tradition centers around the losers. In Thornwood, finishing last is not merely a disappointing outcome, it is an achievement. The punishment is intentionally disproportionate to the offense and serves as a valuable lesson that nobody will actually learn. Because in Thornwood, accountability comes in the form of public humiliation.

The system may seem harsh, but accountability matters.

And frankly, if a grown man spends an entire season obsessing over waiver-wire pickups only to finish dead last, the neighborhood has a right to be entertained.

To outsiders, it may look like a group of dads risking hamstring injuries (Hi Tom) for fantasy football draft position while exchanging insults that would get most people fired from corporate America.

That's because it is.

But after three years, it's become one of Thornwood's great traditions: a celebration of competition, friendship, and the unwavering belief that this year's fantasy team is definitely different.

It won't be. But that's not the point.

If anyone is interested in joining the league, please email Davis at davisjaeger888@gmail.com.