Walking Beside Our Parents: Part One: Preparing Before a Health Crisis
As more families find themselves caring for aging parents, Katie Manetta of Ashwood Court shares practical lessons her family has learned while helping care for her mother and in-laws. While every family's journey is unique, she hopes these experiences help others prepare before a crisis.
Celebrating Ann's 80th birthday with family in August 2025.
They call us the sandwich generation for a reason. Many of us are still raising our children while increasingly helping our parents manage technology, finances, healthcare, and everyday life.
That became the case for our family during COVID with our Nonna and Nonno, and more recently, my mom, Ann.
While a healthcare crisis led to our involvement with Mom, her recovery became a gradual journey that required us to adjust our support over time. Here are some things we learned that might help your family.
Before the Crisis
Make sure your loved ones have their legal documents in order. They should have Health Care Proxies, advance directives such as DNR wishes if appropriate, and details describing what kind of interventions they want, along with naming someone to make decisions if they cannot. This takes the guesswork out of difficult situations.
Having a Power of Attorney is also a good idea well ahead of a crisis. While most married parents will name each other, ensure they also have successor Powers of Attorney named. Make sure you have copies of these documents to provide to banks and other organizations as needed, or at least know the law firm that prepared them so you can request copies if necessary.
Make sure financial accounts have beneficiaries and Transfer on Death (TOD) designations whenever appropriate so assets can transfer more easily. And, of course, they should have a will.
Every family's situation is different, so consult an attorney, financial advisor, or estate planning professional for guidance specific to your family's needs.
Become familiar with healthcare terminology, Medicare coverage, and don't be afraid to ask, "What does that mean?" When imaging reports appeared in my mom's chart, I could read the words but didn't always understand them. I used an AI tool to help explain the terminology so that when the providers discussed the results, I already had a basic understanding and knew which questions to ask.
Of course, we all tell ourselves this, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too. Aside from protecting your own health, you may also need the strength and flexibility to help your loved one with balance, transfers, using a gait belt, or making adjustments around their home.
If your parents are still young enough to qualify for a reasonably priced policy, consider long-term care insurance. It can help cover services such as in home aides or nursing home care. While there are fewer companies offering these policies today, they can provide important financial protection for your family.
You may think Medicaid will simply become the fallback, but qualifying can be much more complicated than many people realize. Requirements involving assets, spending timelines, and record keeping can be overwhelming and may require legal assistance. Understanding these requirements well in advance, ideally five or more years before care may be needed, can make a significant difference.
Finally, talk with your loved ones about their wishes regarding care at home or in a facility, and discuss any preferences they have for locations.
Wait times for nursing home placement can range from several months to even years, and facilities are not obligated to accept every applicant. While hospitals generally cannot discharge someone home if it is unsafe, families may still find themselves waiting for an opening or accepting the first available placement.
In our experience, nursing home costs can range from approximately $180,000 to $200,000 per year, with daily rates often between $500 and $650. Requirements and costs vary by facility, so it's important to research your options early.
Unless you plan to personally assume financial responsibility, be cautious about signing financial documents on behalf of your parents. If you are acting as their Power of Attorney, be sure to sign accordingly and consult an attorney regarding your specific situation.
Preparing before a crisis won't eliminate the challenges ahead, but it can make difficult decisions a little less overwhelming when emotions are already running high.
Coming Next Month...Part Two: Navigating a Health Crisis
Katie shares what her family learned about advocating during hospital stays, seeking second opinions, staying organized, and asking the right questions when every decision matters.